whatever

Wow, it has been so long since I have visited. So little has happened! Nothing but crap seems to happen in my life. I seem to be a cronic worrier and it is getting worse. I'm still worried about my house and the surrounding area. My driveway looks like it is about to slide down the hill. There are so many cracks and openings cause the rain is torrential here. This is really getting me down. I wish I never moved here, bought this house and took this job. When I decided to move back down South, I was full of possibilities. I wanted to get into a new career field but no one wanted me so I had to fall back on what I know: pulling cable. I'm a cable monkey and it seems I am destined to stay a cable monkey. Life is so damn hard. There are so many choices in this world and it seems like I am making all the wrong ones. What can I do from here. How can I clean this up. Someone may tell me to turn to God but I feel like God has so many other things to worry about than me.

Why do people have kids? Why did I have a kid? Have you ever read or saw one of those movies where the government controls when, where and how many kids you can have or whether you are fit to procreate. Man, I think life would be so much more simplier on that issue if something like that was implemented. I seriously would have been shot down! I had good intentions but 20/20 hindshight, my intentions are not adequate in my situation. We were so wrong for each other and making a baby made stuff worse.

I want to be a free spirit. I want to glide and never settle down. I feel so bogged down and listless. Sometimes I feel like I'm fading, fading really fast. I don't have anyone to turn to. I can see why some people do what they do to make the pain go away. I'm not strong or even weak enough to take that route. Right now I'm just avoiding it and wallowing in it.

On the real, do you every just get tired of yourself and of your own whining?

All right, whatever.