Do you ever feel as if you keep making the same mistakes over and over? I've heard people say that you have to learn from your mistakes so that you won't keep repeating them but it seems to be the opposite for me. The only thing I haven't repeated so far is taking up with another loser guy. That is because no one is checking for me. I feel totally invisible to the opposite sex. True, I'm not as pretty and young as I used to be. I've gotten fatter especially around the waist and nowhere else it seems but I am just a void right now. I can't even make any friends! No one talks to me. I'm just background noise it seems. The people I don't want to talk to talk to me incessantly non stop.
Back to the mistakes, it seems like I just can't make an correct decisions. I'm in a house that seems to be falling apart a little bit every week. I don't have the energy or know how to fix the problems. However desperate I feel at the moment I feel like walking away from it and let whatever happen happen. I'm tired of making decisions, bad decisions. Shoot sometimes I feel like I would join a cult just to have my decisions and thoughts taken from me so I can get some peace. Drastic thoughts I know but they are just thoughts.
I feel trapped but with my current circumstances I can't walk away. I guess so many people have walked away from me, at this point I can't do it myself. I know how I'm wrestling with the after affects of my abandonment so I will not do it! I guess I will just suffer the fate of my bad decisions until something gives.
As I wrote on Thanksgiving, I have so many things and people to be thankful for but these bad feelings keep pulling me down. I don't know if this is hormonal or mental. Whatever, I got it out of my system for now. Hope that helps.
Until next time
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Hey, it is the day after, after Thanksgiving. We stayed home today and did a few household chores and watched Good Times episodes. I love me some Good Times. Other than that, I've been in my pjs all day looking for stuff to get into when I knew I should be outside raking the yard. I hate yard work every since I stated seeing creepy crawlies out there. They freak me out and the yard has gone to hell. If I had the extra money, I would pay a service to take care of it.
I've started on a new book called the Fiction Class. The writer added writing exercises and I have been trying them out. I still don't feel that motivated to actually start my own stories but maybe if I keep with the exercises my muse will re-awaken from her long nap and kick prince procrastination in the butt and out of my life!
I want to write some stuff that is a bit more personal but I'm afraid someone will one day read my nonsense and see who I am. So far no hits but who knows. So, I guess I will keep the juicy stuff in my head or my notebooks stuffed between my other bits of twaddle.
Well, I guess that is it for now. I can't think of anything else to say. Story of my life. I'm so dry I'm about to break off into tiny bits of pieces and float away.......
Until next time
I've started on a new book called the Fiction Class. The writer added writing exercises and I have been trying them out. I still don't feel that motivated to actually start my own stories but maybe if I keep with the exercises my muse will re-awaken from her long nap and kick prince procrastination in the butt and out of my life!
I want to write some stuff that is a bit more personal but I'm afraid someone will one day read my nonsense and see who I am. So far no hits but who knows. So, I guess I will keep the juicy stuff in my head or my notebooks stuffed between my other bits of twaddle.
Well, I guess that is it for now. I can't think of anything else to say. Story of my life. I'm so dry I'm about to break off into tiny bits of pieces and float away.......
Until next time
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Giving Thanks
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
This holiday feels a tad weird for me today because we aren't with family this year. I decided to stay at home and share some time with my daughter instead. Basically, I didn't feel like driving to Louisiana! On the real, I just hope we can give thanks for all our blessings and enjoy each other's company instead of getting on each other's nerves like we usually do.
I am thankful for my baby girl because she has brought unconditional love into my life. Even when we are upset with each other, the love is still there. She tells me how much she loves me and I try to do the same even though I wasn't raised to say I love you and hug and kiss all the time.
I am thankful that we have a roof over our head no matter what issues we have with the house. It is steadfast, keeps us warm and dry and we always have a place to come back to at the end of the day.
I am thankful for the family and friends that are constants in our lives. I cried last night because I feel sorry for the missing family that I've never met and the lack of friends but I do know the people we do have in our lives care about us.
I am thankful for our health. I am especially thankful for the health benefits we do have because I know there are some that don't have any at all and really need them
Lastly, I am thankful for my job. I hate it with a passion. I am bored to death by it but it provides income for my small family in these hard economic times.
I think it is important to put things down in black and white from time to time so you can get a clear perspective on your situation. Life is too too short and we should give thanks to what you have and what you don't have. I guess T.I. is right about that.
Until next time
This holiday feels a tad weird for me today because we aren't with family this year. I decided to stay at home and share some time with my daughter instead. Basically, I didn't feel like driving to Louisiana! On the real, I just hope we can give thanks for all our blessings and enjoy each other's company instead of getting on each other's nerves like we usually do.
I am thankful for my baby girl because she has brought unconditional love into my life. Even when we are upset with each other, the love is still there. She tells me how much she loves me and I try to do the same even though I wasn't raised to say I love you and hug and kiss all the time.
I am thankful that we have a roof over our head no matter what issues we have with the house. It is steadfast, keeps us warm and dry and we always have a place to come back to at the end of the day.
I am thankful for the family and friends that are constants in our lives. I cried last night because I feel sorry for the missing family that I've never met and the lack of friends but I do know the people we do have in our lives care about us.
I am thankful for our health. I am especially thankful for the health benefits we do have because I know there are some that don't have any at all and really need them
Lastly, I am thankful for my job. I hate it with a passion. I am bored to death by it but it provides income for my small family in these hard economic times.
I think it is important to put things down in black and white from time to time so you can get a clear perspective on your situation. Life is too too short and we should give thanks to what you have and what you don't have. I guess T.I. is right about that.
Until next time
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Forgetful
Man, I am so bad about remembering to write everyday. I guess it's cool cause I'm not talking about anything earth shattering. My plan was to use this as a tool to get me used to writing and generating ideas. I have ideas but I just don't know how to put them together and make it mesh. Meh, this will be a short post.
Until next time
Until next time
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Hey Ya'll
I'm feeling really crabby tonight. I worked outside today moving dirt on my property that I should have moved a year ago and my back is killing me. I needed to do this cause the dirt was pushing the rain water in a different way instead of to the drain and the dirt is eroding behind my house which leads to my garage. Bonehead move on my part for not moving the dirt immediately when I saw what was going on. Now I'm in panic mode trying to move the dirt and get it packed down. I moved the majority of it away. Hopefully when it rains the rain will flow to the drain and not to my dirt. But, when it rains in Texas, it comes down like crazy and I run the risk of the dirt washing away anyway.
Other than this, I didn't do anything today except watch a couple of episodes on the History channel discussing history of each state in the Union. These were some fascinating shows. I wanted to watch them but it seems they were on from 10am to 5pm and I needed to get out there and get started. I waited until 2pm to start and moved a lot!
As I said before, my back is killing me now. I'm so tired I don't want to go to work. If it wasn't for the fact that I was off Thursday and Friday last week I would call in. I'm using up my vacation right away. That sucks.
We are watching the American Music Awards tonight and it is okay. Nothing spectacular. Annie Lenox and Mariah Carey received special awards and Kanye West won two awards that should have gone to Lil Wayne. Oh, Alicia Keys has won three awards so far however, Mary J. should have won one of those she got.
Okay, I need to go shower and hope in the bed cause I am bushed.
Until next time
I'm feeling really crabby tonight. I worked outside today moving dirt on my property that I should have moved a year ago and my back is killing me. I needed to do this cause the dirt was pushing the rain water in a different way instead of to the drain and the dirt is eroding behind my house which leads to my garage. Bonehead move on my part for not moving the dirt immediately when I saw what was going on. Now I'm in panic mode trying to move the dirt and get it packed down. I moved the majority of it away. Hopefully when it rains the rain will flow to the drain and not to my dirt. But, when it rains in Texas, it comes down like crazy and I run the risk of the dirt washing away anyway.
Other than this, I didn't do anything today except watch a couple of episodes on the History channel discussing history of each state in the Union. These were some fascinating shows. I wanted to watch them but it seems they were on from 10am to 5pm and I needed to get out there and get started. I waited until 2pm to start and moved a lot!
As I said before, my back is killing me now. I'm so tired I don't want to go to work. If it wasn't for the fact that I was off Thursday and Friday last week I would call in. I'm using up my vacation right away. That sucks.
We are watching the American Music Awards tonight and it is okay. Nothing spectacular. Annie Lenox and Mariah Carey received special awards and Kanye West won two awards that should have gone to Lil Wayne. Oh, Alicia Keys has won three awards so far however, Mary J. should have won one of those she got.
Okay, I need to go shower and hope in the bed cause I am bushed.
Until next time
Friday, November 21, 2008
Twilight
Okay, I just got back from seeing the movie Twilight. I wasn't blown away but I enjoyed the interpretation of Stephanie Meyer's book. The movie was truly an accurate depiction of the novel. I enjoyed seeing Robert Pattison as Edward Cullen and Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan. Their love story made me yearn and long for things I am missing in my life. I don't need all the dramatics and danger of loving a vampire but I could feel the chemistry between them; they made the story come to life from the pages of the book.
I long to have someone look at me with so much desire. Pattison really pulled off the broody soft-hearted unlikely vampire. I really didn't think he would do well just from seeing the trailers but he did it. At first, all I saw was Cedric from Goblet of Fire but now I want feel his stone cold fingers caress my warm body. Damn, I am off my rocker right about now. I sound like some horny teenage girl!! Actually, I was quite chaste as a teenager, I'm just perpetuating the stereotype. Anyway, the movie was a love story with some action scenes thrown in for good measure just like the book but I'm not sure how everyone will react to it. I was worried that Half Blood Prince was pulled back because it would not be able to compete with Twilight and I was mistaken. People will like the movie but I don't know if it will be the blockbuster everyone thinks it will be. The rest of the books are all lovey dovey with minimum action and does that really sell? I guess it does cause females flocked to read the books! I would go see them but will the masses do the same?
The love story of Edward and Bella brings thoughts of major passion and heat while the action and adventure in the story of Harry Potter would have blown the audience away. There were a few guys in the theater but this is truly a movie for the ladies. As I drove away from the theater, the lust induced adrenaline coursed through my body but there wasn't anything I could do cap my feelings. I don't have an outlet to so my arms long to be held, my face longs to be caressed with love and affection and my heart fills empty while this desire burns through my loins. Where oh where is my Edward?
Laters
I long to have someone look at me with so much desire. Pattison really pulled off the broody soft-hearted unlikely vampire. I really didn't think he would do well just from seeing the trailers but he did it. At first, all I saw was Cedric from Goblet of Fire but now I want feel his stone cold fingers caress my warm body. Damn, I am off my rocker right about now. I sound like some horny teenage girl!! Actually, I was quite chaste as a teenager, I'm just perpetuating the stereotype. Anyway, the movie was a love story with some action scenes thrown in for good measure just like the book but I'm not sure how everyone will react to it. I was worried that Half Blood Prince was pulled back because it would not be able to compete with Twilight and I was mistaken. People will like the movie but I don't know if it will be the blockbuster everyone thinks it will be. The rest of the books are all lovey dovey with minimum action and does that really sell? I guess it does cause females flocked to read the books! I would go see them but will the masses do the same?
The love story of Edward and Bella brings thoughts of major passion and heat while the action and adventure in the story of Harry Potter would have blown the audience away. There were a few guys in the theater but this is truly a movie for the ladies. As I drove away from the theater, the lust induced adrenaline coursed through my body but there wasn't anything I could do cap my feelings. I don't have an outlet to so my arms long to be held, my face longs to be caressed with love and affection and my heart fills empty while this desire burns through my loins. Where oh where is my Edward?
Laters
Thursday, November 20, 2008
procrastination
See, I did it again. I said I would try to write something everyday and I've already forgotten to come and write. I really don't have much to say. My daughter was home sick today so I missed work. No biggie since if I could I would miss work everyday! Don't get me wrong, in this economy I am very fortunate to have a job but I am so bored. Thing is I don't know why. I have a semi cushy job since I really don't do anything major but I am bored. I've been a cable technician for almost 15 years and I am tired of it. I want action, adventure; a purpose besides pulling cable!
Other than that, I finally mowed my yard after about not cutting it for going on a month or two. It's a good thing it's not summer and in the growing season cause I would have a freaking meadow in my front yard. Right now, my grass is a haven for weeds. I so hate my yard with the weeds and stickers bushes that get caught on your clothes or the bottom of your shoes.
Then, I finished watching Order of the Phoenix. I've seen it before but I had a hankering to see it again since I only saw it the one time in the theater last year. I'm really bummed that Half blood Prince won't come out until next summer. Man that was a bone head move on the studio execs pushing the movie back. I guess they were afraid to compete with Twilight. They should have put the movie out at the end of this summer so Harry Potter fans can coast the wave of seeing a movie every year since the series has ended. I think that with the books all being published and the last two movies aren't coming out until 2009 and maybe 2010, people are going to lose interest. Yes, true fans will wait with baited breath but the general public will lose interest in Harry and Co. I hope not cause I want to see what happens in the last movie regardless if they split it into two movies. I've read all the books multiple times; I just like seeing how it all translates on the big screen. Plus, Daniel Radcliff is such a little cutie as well as the Weasley boys, especially the twins!
Okay, I've blathered on about nothing long enough.
Until next time.
Other than that, I finally mowed my yard after about not cutting it for going on a month or two. It's a good thing it's not summer and in the growing season cause I would have a freaking meadow in my front yard. Right now, my grass is a haven for weeds. I so hate my yard with the weeds and stickers bushes that get caught on your clothes or the bottom of your shoes.
Then, I finished watching Order of the Phoenix. I've seen it before but I had a hankering to see it again since I only saw it the one time in the theater last year. I'm really bummed that Half blood Prince won't come out until next summer. Man that was a bone head move on the studio execs pushing the movie back. I guess they were afraid to compete with Twilight. They should have put the movie out at the end of this summer so Harry Potter fans can coast the wave of seeing a movie every year since the series has ended. I think that with the books all being published and the last two movies aren't coming out until 2009 and maybe 2010, people are going to lose interest. Yes, true fans will wait with baited breath but the general public will lose interest in Harry and Co. I hope not cause I want to see what happens in the last movie regardless if they split it into two movies. I've read all the books multiple times; I just like seeing how it all translates on the big screen. Plus, Daniel Radcliff is such a little cutie as well as the Weasley boys, especially the twins!
Okay, I've blathered on about nothing long enough.
Until next time.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Hello
Hello and welcome. I'm not so sure what I will be writing about but I have been contemplating making a blog for a while now. It doesn't matter if anyone reads this but I just felt the need to write and try and get over my hesitations to get stuff out. I enjoy reading other people's work immensely and would also like to call myself a writer but the words are stuck somewhere and I can't get them out coherently into some type of story!
Basically, I'm just totally frustrated with my life because I didn't and still don't have a plan and I'm just drifting and stuff happens and I react. I'm getting to the point where I'm tired of yelling and reacting. This is what I sort of meant by living on the fringe; not living just looking at everyone else manage their lives.
Well, eventually I hope my rambling will take some sort of shape or form as I try to write a little something every night. Yes, that will be my goal until something happens. I will push myself to write something every night.
Okay, I guess this will be it for now unless I have an epiphany and I just really need to come back write more.
By the way, I have a kid so there will probably be some ranting and raving about her because she is a major source of my crazyness. Whoever said motherhood was a joy lied big time!!
Until next time,
Basically, I'm just totally frustrated with my life because I didn't and still don't have a plan and I'm just drifting and stuff happens and I react. I'm getting to the point where I'm tired of yelling and reacting. This is what I sort of meant by living on the fringe; not living just looking at everyone else manage their lives.
Well, eventually I hope my rambling will take some sort of shape or form as I try to write a little something every night. Yes, that will be my goal until something happens. I will push myself to write something every night.
Okay, I guess this will be it for now unless I have an epiphany and I just really need to come back write more.
By the way, I have a kid so there will probably be some ranting and raving about her because she is a major source of my crazyness. Whoever said motherhood was a joy lied big time!!
Until next time,
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