Mistakes

Do you ever feel as if you keep making the same mistakes over and over? I've heard people say that you have to learn from your mistakes so that you won't keep repeating them but it seems to be the opposite for me. The only thing I haven't repeated so far is taking up with another loser guy. That is because no one is checking for me. I feel totally invisible to the opposite sex. True, I'm not as pretty and young as I used to be. I've gotten fatter especially around the waist and nowhere else it seems but I am just a void right now. I can't even make any friends! No one talks to me. I'm just background noise it seems. The people I don't want to talk to talk to me incessantly non stop.

Back to the mistakes, it seems like I just can't make an correct decisions. I'm in a house that seems to be falling apart a little bit every week. I don't have the energy or know how to fix the problems. However desperate I feel at the moment I feel like walking away from it and let whatever happen happen. I'm tired of making decisions, bad decisions. Shoot sometimes I feel like I would join a cult just to have my decisions and thoughts taken from me so I can get some peace. Drastic thoughts I know but they are just thoughts.

I feel trapped but with my current circumstances I can't walk away. I guess so many people have walked away from me, at this point I can't do it myself. I know how I'm wrestling with the after affects of my abandonment so I will not do it! I guess I will just suffer the fate of my bad decisions until something gives.

As I wrote on Thanksgiving, I have so many things and people to be thankful for but these bad feelings keep pulling me down. I don't know if this is hormonal or mental. Whatever, I got it out of my system for now. Hope that helps.

Until next time